I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We had to coat check the pizza.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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