i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
