areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A+ Viking dick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
