i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
