In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
