$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
