Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
