does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
