I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
operation harelip BJ is a go
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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