dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
