And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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