Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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