my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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