There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
