oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
