This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
