He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
