Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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