I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is the high leading the old right now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
