I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
