The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
