Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
