Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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