she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
