If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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