You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
