i permit you to call me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
