DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
