please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
