worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
