just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
