You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're like the curious george of whores
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
