I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
