I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
