First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
