Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
