Christians are straight up FREAKS
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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