Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
