At least make sure they are 18
Why
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
