ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
