I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
