I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
