During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
