recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
