do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
