I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
