I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
