Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
