Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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