i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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