I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
