im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
