look no pants
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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